


Siri, Hack the Pentagon

by decotex



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Humor, Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), also a kind of quasi-angst, definitely, kind of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-05
Updated: 2015-11-21
Packaged: 2018-03-29 03:05:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3879811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/decotex/pseuds/decotex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony Stark misses Jarvis. As usual, his coping mechanisms are on point. </p><p>Feat. the Avengers crew, more Russian assassins than usual, product placement, and holographic hearts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [stuartprincess](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stuartprincess/gifts).



“Siri, hack the pentagon.”

_“I’m sorry Tony, I cannot-”_

“Siri, hack the FBI.”

_“I’m sorry Tony, I cannot-”_

“Bank of America, at least? General Electric? Ohio?”

_“I’m sorry-”_

“Forget it.”

He sat back in his chair and stared blankly at the holographic monitor in front of him, flipping a stylus in his right hand. A data analyzing program ran in the corner of the screen, blinking through numbers faster than Tony could read them.

It had been two months since what Tony fondly referred to as the Ultron-pocalypse. Maybe a little over two months-he hadn’t really been keeping track. The others had mentally retreated from world-saving for the time being to focus on the new Avengers training grounds, location top-secret (Wisconsin). Tony had made a more literal retreat to his recently completed home in Malibu, and was attempting to bury himself in projects. It was working, sort of.

“So,” he said to the empty room. “Anything on the books for today, then?”

_“Could you rephrase your question?”_

“Siri, read today’s calendar.”

 _“One event: United Nations Celebrity Charity Ball, Valencia Hotel, San Francisco, five p.m.”_ Her friendly yet professional voice emanated from his surround sound speakers, not unlike an omnipresent Pepper Potts.

“Shit.” He tossed the stylus across the room, where it bounced off the wall and into a trashcan, clanging amidst the silence. “Thousand points,” he said absently.

_“Could you rephrase your question?”_

“Don’t worry about it. I should probably go to the charity thing, huh? On one hand, ‘United Nations Charity Ball.' I mean, ugh. But on the other, I haven’t seen the guys since the last time we saved the world. Might make for a nice reunion.”

_“Is that so?”_

“What about it, Siri? Wanna come? I’ll download you onto my phone and you can ride around in my pocket. You’ve got to promise not to fall in love with me though. I am not Joaquin Phoenix and I’m not interested in reciting poetry to each other.”

_“Could you rephrase your question?”_

He closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead. “Yeah, I thought so.” Two months? It felt like less.

“Were you-”

Tony jumped and turned around.

From the doorway, Pepper smiled. “ . . . flirting with Siri, I was going to say. Sorry, did I scare you?”

“No. And I was not flirting with Siri, since it is a robot incapable of human emotions.”

“Ouch. Poor Siri.” Pepper walked to his desk and, reaching through the holographic monitor, laid out a set of papers in front of him. “Thank you letters, for the-”

“The UN thing tonight?” He searched wildly through his drawers. “My best handwriting, then.”

“You remembered. I’m impressed,” she said, holding out a pen to him.

“Siri reminded me, actually. Thank you Siri!” he called, with the last part directed at the general ceiling area.

_“Could you rephrase your question?”_

Tony shrugged and began signing the papers below Pepper’s snowy cursive. “Still working out the kinks.”

Pepper leaned on the desk, watching. “So, are you going tonight?”

“Maybe. Haven’t thought about it. Did I RSVP?”

“How would I know? I’m not your assistant anymore.”

“A decision I regret daily. Do you know how hard it is to run my life? Do you have idea what a complete pain I am to work with?”

“Yes. And I think you should go. It’ll be a nice opportunity to see your team.”

“Nice as in a controlled and carefully monitored setting under heavy military protection?”

“Exactly the kind of nice you and your friends need sometimes.”

“They probably won’t even come. Got better things to do, training the next generation of superheroes or whatever.” He finished signing and slid the pile across the desk to Pepper.

“Actually I was just on the phone with Steve, and he said-”

“Steve Rogers? You know he threw me across the room the last time we hung out.”

“He’s an inspiration to us all. Anyway, he said that he’s taking all the new recruits. I, for one, am looking forward to meeting them.”

“Yeah?” Tony pushed on the edge of the desk with his foot, spinning the chair. “Fine. I’ll meet you on the jet at four-”

“Two.”

“Two? Fine, two. You’re going to be the death of me, Miss Potts.”

“Arriving on time never killed anybody.” She paused, holding the papers in front of his desk. “Seriously though. You’re going to be . . . okay, right? It’s been a stressful month. No one would blame you if you didn’t go. It’s just a charity ball, anyway.”

He took a moment to, very seriously, thank the world for the gift that was Pepper Potts.

Outwardly, he smiled and waved her away. “You know me, Pep. I’ll be fine. Charm some politicians, sign some autographs. Might even make a speech.”

“Good. I’ll count on it.” She smiled brilliantly for a moment, and then turned on her heel.

“And for the record,” she said, just as she exited the room. “I miss him too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn it, Carson.
> 
> I was going to release this all at once but I caved and it's happening in chapters. First three or so out today, and the rest will happen eventually.


	2. Chapter 2

Pepper was waiting for him when he found his way to their private runway at two thirty with, surprisingly-

“The Black Widow herself.” Tony took the seat across from Natasha and set his briefcase on the table. “Not that it’s not good to see you, but I could have sworn you were a million miles away at our new top secret Avengers hideout in a secret location which is Wisconsin.”

Natasha was already dressed for the event, wearing a form-fitting blue dress that undoubtedly still had some sort of secret knife pocket. “I was in L.A. on business, and Pepper offered me a ride. You’ll have the whole ride back to do whatever weird stuff you usually do on planes.”

Tony considered telling her exactly what kind of weird stuff they usually did on planes, but very quickly decided against it. “Wow, first Steve and now Natasha? Invite all of Los Angeles, did you Pepper? Warn me next time. We’ll rent a 747 and have block party.”

“Steve’s meeting us at the hotel,” said Pepper, who had already pulled out her laptop to work because she was Pepper and that was the kind of person Pepper was. “It’s just us three for now.”

“Us four.” Natasha and Pepper looked up from their devices.

“ . . . Four?” asked Pepper tentatively, in the voice of someone who has experience with Tony’s brand of surprises and is fully prepared to duck under a table.

“Four. Siri, say hello.”

_“Hello.”_

Natasha stared at the phone on the table which was currently projecting a small, rotating, holographic heart. “Hello Siri. Are you one of Tony’s inventions?”

_“Could you rephrase your question?”_

“Are-were you created by Tony?”

_“I’m sorry, I don’t understand.”_ The heart morphed into a pulsating question mark.

Tony patted the display gently, which glitched as his hand went through it. “She’s a bit slow, bless her.”

Natasha looked at Pepper, who shrugged, and then turned back to Tony. “Is this really your replacement for Jarvis? The standard Apple phone assistant?”

“She’s not a replacement. For one, she can’t even hack the . . . anyway. She’s just a pet, kind of. I’m fixing her up, giving her some upgrades. Like this holographic display. And colors! Siri, change display color to purple.”

_“Changing display color to purple.”_

“See? Very good response time.”

“I . . .” Natasha began, and then changed her mind and went back to looking at her phone. “Nevermind. It’s not my place to tell you when you’re in a creative rut.”

“Oh, go parkour off a building. Siri, tell Natasha to go parkour off a building.”

_“Could you rephrase your question?”_

“Damn it.”


	3. Chapter 3

The Valencia Hotel welcomed them in a frenzy of multicolored flags and low-level diplomats. Waving the bellhops away, Tony and Natasha carried their bags through the crowded lobby up to the front desk.

The concierge recognized him immediately and smiled, which was always nice. Fame suited Tony very well, on account of his natural charisma and lack of dignity.

“Reservation under Tony Stark,” he announced, unable to resist the overwhelming urge to wink.

“Just a minute sir,” she said, typing furiously.

“You a fan, then?”

“Who wouldn’t be?”

“I like your attitude.”

She laughed into her hand, still staring at the computer screen. “Okay, I’ve got you booked for one night in a luxury suite.”

“Luxury suite? That had better be a cute local nickname for the presidential suite.”

“I’m sorry Tony-I mean sir, but-”

“It’s fine, call me Tony.”

“I’m sorry _Tony_ , but the presidential suite is booked. Vice president of Austria, I think.”

“Seriously? The vice president? Of Austria, even? I could _buy_ Austria.”

“Probably.”

“Pull some strings? I’ve got the suit with me. I’ll let you fire the repulsor.”

Looking truly heartbroken, she shook her head. “Sorry. I would if I could.”

“It’s fine. We’ll rough it. Pepper, did you bring the sleeping bags and those hand crank flashlights?”

Pepper, who had made friends with a nearby Swedish dignitary, looked over. “Tyvärr?”

“Never mind.”

The concierge handed Tony his room keys. “Oh, also. Someone left a message for you. You have a meeting in the Roosevelt Room to discuss event security.”

“Do I?” He should have known. He’d been hoping to avoid further catastrophes in the near future, but they always seemed to have a way of finding him. Sincerely regretting his decision to leave Malibu, he asked, “With who?”

“They didn’t say. The head of security, I would assume.”

Tony looked at Natasha, who had snapped to attention at the mention of security. “Any chance there’s a similar message for one Natasha Romanov?”

“As a matter of fact-”

“Great. Thanks.” It would be an Avengers thing then. Fantastic. He picked up his bags and turned to leave. “Wait, sorry. When is this meeting again?”

“Um.” She looked down at her computer. “Half an hour ago.”


	4. Chapter 4

Fifteen minutes later Tony and Natasha pushed open the doors to the Roosevelt Room. Steve and Clint were already there, as well as the most recent Avengers recruits and a certain eyepatched ex-director.

“Take the scenic route?” Nick Fury asked, in that irritatingly calm voice that he used when he wanted to shame people. _Joke’s on him,_ Tony thought. _I have no shame._

“Sorry we’re late to the super secret surprise meeting. Our bad.” Tony swept into the room and sat down at the conference table next to Clint, who silently offered him a fist bump. Tony accepted. He liked Clint.

Rolling his eye (singular), Fury looked at Natasha. “Agent Romanov, good to see you.”

“Sir,” she said, nodding. Even though she didn’t really work for him anymore, and one could probably make a solid case that technically, he worked for her, Natasha still obviously prided herself on being Fury’s best agent. Tony thought it was sweet. Weird, but sweet.

“If we could begin-” Fury started.

“This isn’t a decorum thing, is it? I swear to god, I’m not standing in a receiving line or kissing someone’s baby or learning any secret handshakes with deep cultural significance. I’ll do regular handshakes or the European kissing thing, and possibly some shallow bowing.”

“It is not,” Fury confirmed, walking to sit near the head of the table. “Although you’re probably going to wish it were. Captain?”

Steve nodded and stood up. “Alright. Earlier today the DoD intercepted some information revealing credible attack plans on this conference by a Russian terrorist group. They say they’ve neutralized the threat, but have asked us to be on the lookout for any alternate attacks. I accepted the offer behalf of the team. If any of you aren’t interested or don’t feel up to the task, back out now.” He then looked directly at Tony, which, come on-he hadn’t even said anything.

“Why me? I didn’t even say anything!”

“It’s just, you’re usually the first one in line to jump ship.”

Ah, yes. The bitter remnants of the whole ‘Ultron’ situation. While they were all on good terms, officially, some of them had left that floating island on better terms than others.

“Fair enough. I have been known to, to, work better individually, is how I’d put it. In this case though Siri and I are on board.”

Everyone paused. Clint leaned over and whispered something to Natasha, which sounded a lot like, “I thought he was was dating Pepper?” Natasha just shook her head and stared at the ceiling, as if resigning herself to a conversation that she’d really rather be absent for.

“Siri and you,” repeated Steve.

“Yeah, my new best friend.” Tony placed his phone on the table, activating his custom Siri hologram display. A purple heart materialized, rotating slowly. “Introduce yourself to the team, Siri.”

_“Hello team. I am Siri. How can I help you?”_

“Another computer program? Really?” said Steve, at the same time that Clint said, “Wait, like, _Siri_ Siri? Like the phone Siri?”

_“Could you rephrase your question?”_

“Yes and yes. Put down your guns and/or bows, I didn’t even make this one. I just added some minor upgrades, and sentience unfortunately didn’t make the shortlist.”

“Before Stark can further derail this conversation,” interrupted Fury. “We’ve taken the liberty of sending dossiers to your rooms. Best case scenario, nothing happens and we spend the night looking pretty and avoiding people we don’t want to talk to. In the likely event that everything doesn’t go according to plan, we’ve included touch-activated earbuds.”

“If I may.”

Tony flinched. He couldn’t help it.

Everyone turned to the back corner, where the Vision stood-floated, rather, a few inches off the ground.

“I’d like to do thorough reconnaissance of the building before the ball. It shouldn’t take long, and I’ll be able to eliminate any premeditated threats.”

Fury nodded. “Do it, and report back if you find anything.”

“Also I don’t need an earbud, as I can tap in to the frequency on my own.”

“The other guys can’t do that, can they?” asked Clint, a bit worriedly. “Because that would be bad.”

“No. As in most cases, I am the exception.”

“Good.”

“If that’s everything,” said Steve, looking around the room to establish that yes, that was everything, “then I’ll see you all in an hour. Break!”

Meeting adjourned, people began migrating towards the door.

Tony shook his head and elbowed Clint. “ _Break._ The nerve of that man.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Four chapters, I guess it ended up being, in one update. Probably going to bulk-publish more chapters like this for the rest of them.


	5. Chapter 5

“Escargot?”

“No.”

“Champagne then? Shrimp? Honestly I’m just looking for an excuse to go back to the kitchen and order up some of those tiny sandwiches.”

Natasha turned to look at Tony, who had joined her at the second-floor balcony overlooking the party.

“Taking this mission really seriously, as usual.”

“Come on, it’s minor security detail. No reason to hide up here all alone. Join the party. Teach us some Russian drinking games! Let’s go get the Prime Minister of Egypt hammered.”

“Us?” Natasha asked, looking pointedly across the room. And-yeah, Tony walked right into that one. On the opposite balcony, Steve Rogers leaned against the railing, holding a glass of what Tony was 90% sure was apple juice. Clint was hovering near the windows, looking away from the party out over the city. Wanda and Sam Wilson sat at the bar-two seats away from each other. Thor had gone to the lobby a while ago, surrounded by several young foreign dignitaries promising to teach him how to play pool. Rhodes had been sucked into a conversation with several serious looking men in military uniforms. And the Vision wasn’t even there.

“United we stand, huh?” Natasha commented dryly, taking the champagne glass out of Tony’s hand and sipping it.

This was a party. Tony was good at parties. He was famously good at parties. Parties were not supposed to go like this.

“You don’t blame me for everything, do you? I mean, we all make mistakes. Forgive and forget, right?”

“Oh, I get it,” she said, a little coldly but hey, at least it wasn’t a yes. “Some other people, though.”

“You mean stars and stripes? He’s never liked me. He’ll get over it, though.”

Natasha was silent for a moment, staring blankly at the crowd below them. “Have you ever thought,” she began, “that it’s not that people don’t like you-it’s that they’re afraid of you?”

“Well, Natasha. I like to think positive, generally, so no. Also, people love me. Most people.”

Somewhere below them, a string quartet started playing.

“Have you ever been afraid of the things you’ve made?”

“With two notable exceptions, no.”

“Ultron, and . . .?”

“And the bomb staring me in the face, before I blacked out and woke up with a magnet in my chest.”

“Ah.”

“Yep.”

“You know-”

_“Excuse me. I’ve detected-”_

“Fucking hell.” Tony closed his eyes and thought about how nice his life would be if he’d made better choices-namely, staying home. “Natasha and I were having a heart to heart.”

_“I nearly peed myself,”_ said Clint. And then, to someone else near him, _“Oh, haha. Not seriously. I know where the bathroom is. Yes. Thank you.”_

_“I’m sorry,”_ the Vision continued, through their comm line. _“But this can’t wait. I’ve detected unauthorized equipment in the southeast basement. It has a unique heat signature.”_

_“I’m close. I’ll scope it out,”_ said Thor. A chorus of _Awwwww_ ’s echoed through his comm line-presumably Thor’s new pool buddies. _“I’ll keep you all updated if I see anything.”_

_“I think Tony should go as well, in case there’s something electrical,”_ said Vision.

Tony looked at Natasha. “He’s probably right. I am pretty great with electrical things.”

_“And he’s humble, too.”_

“Rhodes, I don’t need your sass.”

_“All right, team, get to work,”_ said Steve, wrangling the conversation back on track with all of his super strength. _“And keep me updated.”_

The comm line beeped as it went muted. Tony sighed and held out his hand to Natasha.

“Shall we?”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while. I haven't had the most awesome time lately but I definitely want to get more stuff out so here you go. 
> 
> #ThorxPoolBros


	6. Chapter 6

The southeast basement was actually a series of winding hallways, leading deeper into a maze of various maintenance equipment.

"This door's always locked, see?" said the hotel manager, who was leading Natasha, Thor, and Tony toward the source of the anomaly. He turned his key and pushed open the metal door. "There's no way anyone-oh."

In the center of the room was a metal briefcase with two large, pulsating green lights on top. They filed in silently, keeping as far away from the case as possible.

"Is it a bomb?" asked Thor, pacing around the edge of the room.

"God, I hope it's a bomb." Tony took out his phone and pointed it at the briefcase. "Siri, scan briefcase."

_"Scanning briefcase."_

"Excuse me?" said the hotel manager, clearly offended by Tony's enthusiasm.

"Like, I can do bombs. Bombs are easy. If this is a bomb, I'll take care of it in a few minutes and then we can all go home."

_"Scan inconclusive."_

Tony looked down at his phone, shrugged, and walked up to the briefcase. He knelt down on the floor and ran his hands over the locks.

"Tony . . ." warned Natasha. She was still standing in the doorway, as if ready to run at the first sign of a countdown.

"I think it's fine. Siri didn't pick up anything obviously threatening."

"What if it's something subtly threatening?"

"That's a definite possibility."

"Should we evacuate the hotel?" asked the manager, who kept moving sideways so that Thor was between himself and the mystery object.

"Give me a second."

The briefcase looked normal, aside from the green lights on its top. Tony laid flat on his stomach and looked horizontally at its sides. It was equipped with regular flip locks, the kind that didn't even require a key. Sitting up, Tony took out his phone and carefully, gently, set it on top of the briefcase.

"Siri?"

 _"Hello Tony."_ Siri's purple heart hologram display sprung up, looking almost brown in the green light from the briefcase.

"Detect vibrations."

 _"No vibrations detected_."

"Detect radio signals."

_"No radio signals detected."_

"Detect, uh, wifi?"

_"Four wireless networks found: Roosevelt Hotel Guest Wifi, Roosevelt Hotel Staff Wifi, Verizon Wireless 92482, Do Underscore Not Underscore Connect Underscore Please."_

"Great." Tony put his hands on the clasps, gently testing their strength.

"Tony. Don't take any unnecessary risks," said Natasha.

"No, I think it's okay." Slowly, he inched the clasps upwards. "I'm almost sure it's-"

_"Vibrations detected. Radio signal detected."_

The lights on the briefcase flashed red. Tony fell backwards, but recovered with characteristic grace and stood up.

"Maybe red is good?" suggested the hotel manager hopefully.

 _"Vibrations detected. Vibrations det-"_ Tony's phone slid off of the briefcase, as movement from inside rattled loudly. A panel slid back, and metal shot up from the inside. Metal intricately began building itself upwards, in a pattern that very quickly started to resemble-

"Legs," said Thor, grimly. "Evacuate the hotel."

"Yep!" yelled the hotel manager, who was already halfway down the hall.

The metal had flowed upwards to fill in the shape of a torso, now. Without taking his eyes off of what was beginning to look like a fairly large robot, Tony grabbed his phone from where it had slid across the floor.

"Siri, scan."

_"Beginning scan. Scanning . . . scanning . . . scanning . . ."_

It was clearly humanoid in shape, now. Somewhere upwards, the sound of a loudspeaker echoed-the beginning of an evacuation, Tony hoped.

"Siri, scan a little bit faster."

_"Terminating scan. Beginning scan. Scanning . . . scanning . . ."_

"Your new Jarvis sucks," said Natasha, who at some point in the last thirt seconds had acquired a gun.

"Give her time."

"I don't think we have any," warned Thor, gesturing at the nearly completed robot.

Natasha tapped her earpiece, pointing her gun with the other. "Vision, tell me this is an isolated incident."

Vision's voice echoed through their earpieces. _"Actually, several other identical heat signatures have just-"_

"Great. Perfect."

The last of the metal pieces flowed upwards to complete the robot's head. It blinked its two bright red eyes, testing its newly completed body.

_"Scan completed. Analysis: hostile."_

Tony groaned and turned to run.

"Why couldn't it have been a bomb?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :D
> 
> Sorry it's so long between updates. Hannibal has taken over, a little bit. Bother me for updates at Decotext.tumblr.com!


	7. Chapter 7

There was gum under the bar counter.  
  
Tony noticed this as he was hiding under it, avoiding the firefight that was team evil robots versus team superheroes.  
  
"This blows," said Clint from beside him, picking at the label on a bottle of champagne. "Can't you make us guns or something?"  
  
"Out of what?"  
  
"I don't know. Didn't you make the first Iron Man suit out of rocks and shit?"  
  
"Scrap metal."  
  
"Whatever, man."

Clearly being a sniper had done nothing for Clint's patience.   
  
Tony wasn't sure what he had expected to do when he ran back to the ballroom, the area that the robots all seemed to be converging toward. His strength was his mind; when the only thing that needed to be done was to punch metal until it broke, Tony found himself sadly useless.

 _"Can I get an update on the evacuations?"_ Steve asked, through their communications link.  
  
 _"All guests have been evacuated,"_ said Rhodes. _"Falcon's doing a head count."_  
  
 _"Keep us updated. Widow, Witch-position yourselves at the south. Don't-_ " There was a grunt and a metallic cracking noise. Something on the other side of the ballroom exploded. _"Don't let any of them get through to the hotel."_  
  
 _"Got it."_  
  
Tony reflected on the way this scenario revealed that some Avengers were dependent on their special equipment, and the way that Natasha was not one of them. When she'd arrived in the ballroom, she'd just ripped a slit up the length of her cocktail dress to her thigh, stepped out of her heels, and begun firing. Tony was impressed and a little intimidated.  
  
 _"Vision?"_ Steve asked, continuing his check-in over the sound of his fist hitting metal.  
  
 _"Two others were found at various points in the hotel. They were eliminated. The rest are concentrated in the ballroom."_  
  
 _"Good. There are four of them here but I think-"_ A loud, atmospheric crack reverberated through the ballroom. The eastern windows exploded in a shower of glass and light, as if a certain thunder god had just performed a K.O. Tony and Clint pressed themselves against the back of the counter to avoid the flying debris. _" . . . three of them. As I was saying, I think we can handle them."_  
  
"We're fine, thanks for asking," said Tony.  
  
 _"Tony. How's the floor?"_  
  
"Dirty."  
  
"And boring," added Clint.  
  
"And boring."  
  
 _"Well, hang tight. Over."_  
  
The line went silent. They sat, listening to the sound of fighting.  
  
Clint elbowed Tony. "Over. Did you catch that? He's so cute."  
  
Tony considered, for the fifth time, making a run for it. Once he exited the ballroom, he had a clear shot to his hotel room. Unfortunately, between himself and the exit was a thirty-foot stretch of empty ballroom, and Tony didn't like his chances.

"Can you try again?" Clint asked. 

"The suit's not responding. I'll have to activate it manually."

"What about your phone? Can't you turn it on from there? Come on, man. I've seen you hack a  _blimp_  from your phone. You're killing me here."

"No."

" . . . Then can I use your phone to watch the Giants game?"

Tony pulled out his phone. Siri's holographic heart display activated on touch. 

_"Hello, Tony. How may I assist you?"_

"Siri, Clint isn't taking this mission seriously."

_"I'm sorry, could you repeat that?"  
_

"Siri, what's the Giant's score?"

_"The score is two to one, in the Giant's favor."_

Next to him, Clint pumped his fist silently.

 _"Tony. Clint."_ Steve's voice echoed through their comm system. _"The action's moved onto the balcony. Thor and I can hold their attention."_ He paused. There was a grunt, and then a sound that can only be described as a computer roaring.  
  
 _"Run."_  
  
They ran.

\---

The briefcase was sitting near the foot of the bed, next to his open suitcase and a half-empty caramel macchiato. It glittered, glossy and chrome.  
  
Tony kicked it.  
  
It hit the bed frame and fell forward.  
  
Frowning, Tony pulled up his sleeves to look at the metal bracelets that should have activated the suit. He'd been going for subtlety with this new design, but now he regretted not adding some sort of indicator light to tell when they were powered on.   
  
"Vision, any idea why all my things are broken?"  
  
 _"Alternating electrical interference. The field will weaken as the robots are destroyed by the others."_  
  
"Great." Tony sat down on the floor and, a bit dejectedly, put his wrists on top of the case. It was the Iron Man equivalent of putting your computer right next to the router to get better WiFi.  
  
He'd been aware of it, lurking in the back of his mind, waiting for him to have a quiet moment to give the thought his full attention.   
  
They were getting along just fine without him.  
  
It was petty, he knew. It wasn't as if he wanted them to fail-he just wanted them to need him. He wanted to save the day in a way that only he could, by using his specialized technology or exploiting some sort of engineering problem, thereby justifying his own position on the team.  
  
"Well gosh darn it, Tony," Steve'd say. "You may almost destroy the world sometimes, but we sure as heck would be worse off without you."  
  
Rhodes interrupted his train of thought before he could get any more creative with his interpretation of Steve's slang.  
  
 _"All guests accounted for, except for the Russian Prime Minister of Public Health."_  
  
 _"Lady bounced,"_ guessed Clint. He and Tony had parted ways in the lobby, where Tony had gotten in the elevator (staying on the top floor has its detriments) and Clint had made a beeline for Rhodes and Falcon. _"Probably saw the killer robots and fucked off. I'll check for her car."_  
  
Not for the first time, Tony wondered what would happen if he walked away. Pepper had taken to Europe during her international business traveling; maybe they could get a place in Milan or London. They could "summer in Europe,"to put it pretentiously. And then, when Pepper had pulled herself away from work as long as she could, they could go home and he could just build. It didn't even have to be weapons, since at some point in the past few years he'd accidentally developed a moral code. Solar powered cars, maybe. Hyper-efficient household appliances. Maybe that was his true calling-to save the world through renewable energy. He could ignore Fury's calls, dodge press, and, when he saw a news story that absolutely required superheroic intervention, he could text Steve.

To leave the same way he'd begun-on impulse.   
  
No one could deny that it was a fitting end.   
  
_"Uh, guys? Her car's still in the parking lot,"_ Clint said, sounding worried.   
  
_"Surveillance footage shows her being coerced into a taxi by an unidentified figure. Searching taxi records."_ There was a pause, about the length of time it would take one to Google a taxi number, assuming that person was actually a sentient AI and that Google was in their own head. _"Taxi found. GPS puts taxi register number 729 at a warehouse near the docks. The warehouse is registered to a Russian trading company."_  
  
 _"Of course it is."_ Natasha sighed. _"I'm going to make some calls."_  
  
 _"I will go to the warehouse. Tony, are you available to provide backup?"_  
  
At that moment, there was a click, and the briefcase hissed as it released air. Tony took a deep breath and stood up, stretching.  
  
"Go. I'll catch up."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided not to allow myself to start another fic until I finish one of these, so hopefully this one's going to finish soon. I give it 2-3 more chapters.  
> This chapter would have been out sooner, but I ended up editing it a lot. 
> 
> Also, Clint.

**Author's Note:**

> decotext.tumblr.com


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